good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
