I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
