He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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