i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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