I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
