Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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