I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
