The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
