i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
