she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
