what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
