420 ftw
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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