Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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