Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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