Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
