i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
