If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
