Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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