After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I think my moral compass just broke
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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