I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Randomize
