He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize