I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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