i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
