Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
