Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
