Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
