why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
