i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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