just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
