3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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