she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He better not be in your backpack
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
