Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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