Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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