No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
