My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
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