We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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