And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
