Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
