at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Randomize
