Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
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