Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
