it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
