Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
