Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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