Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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