I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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