Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
