I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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