he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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