my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
