Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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