So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
