She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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