moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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