my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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