Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
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I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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