Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Randomize
