You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
