I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
