There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize