From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
