Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
