It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We had sex on a dog bed..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
