I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
