I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
