her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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