life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
