you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize