I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
