She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
